Revelation
So here's the thing. This week I stared my new job and I met all these new people and they met me and they didn't know a thing about me. They don't know that I have Crohn's Disease. They don't know that I'm uber-health conscious. That I'm ridiculously concerned about the quality of my food now after years of being ridiculously unhealthy. They don't know that I'm gluten free and dairy free and trying to keep the sugar to a serious minimum. They welcomed me by giving me a bucket of candy. They have no idea that it was the worst gift they could've given me. And you know what? I ate it all. I realized tonight that for one week I was just a regular person. I didn't have to explain my food choices to anyone. I didn't ask questions. I didn't read labels. I just ate the best I could throughout the week and didn't worry about it... too much. And do you want to know something? I didn't like it.
The old me would've slowly fallen off the wagon and stayed off of it until I was horribly sick again. But this me? This "new" me... she kinda doesn't like eating chocolate and drinking soda and wondering whether or not her pad thai sauce contains any bad ingredients. WHO AM I????? On my way home from work I stopped at the health food store and started stocking up for next week. I don't even feel sick or anything, I just feel wrong, bad, not right. I enjoy eating the right foods for my body. Oh my goodness, did I actually just say that? Yeah. I did. It's insane.
The old me would've slowly fallen off the wagon and stayed off of it until I was horribly sick again. But this me? This "new" me... she kinda doesn't like eating chocolate and drinking soda and wondering whether or not her pad thai sauce contains any bad ingredients. WHO AM I????? On my way home from work I stopped at the health food store and started stocking up for next week. I don't even feel sick or anything, I just feel wrong, bad, not right. I enjoy eating the right foods for my body. Oh my goodness, did I actually just say that? Yeah. I did. It's insane.
Comments
I've had all these vendors sending me their goodies lately wanting my opinion and it's not things I would normally eat. They aren't things that are necessarily "bad". They are gluten free. And some are even preservative free, and sweetens with beet or cane. Not great, but not bad for cookies.
But then there are others, and so much of it. Why did I agree to have all this stuff in my house?
I've been sick with Meniere's disease lately so my husband's been cooking and all I can think is, "where is the real food?"
We don't eat out of boxes! Or take out that much!
I have to fix up some "pre-packaged" food that he can put together that I've packaged so he won't be tempted to buy some easy crap at the store.
Sorry to ramble on at you, I just read your post and thought....I know how your feel...and I feel like I'm selling out. I liked getting the free things because I don't work and it felt good to bring something in the house, but I really don't want to have this much junk in my house. My husband my "want" it but he sure doesn't need it!! :)
You're right I don't "feel" bad, it just feels wrong, and bad.
I want to get back to my roots. And back in the kitchen.
Good luck on your new job. I hope your new co-workers will get to know the real you soon and love your for who you are!!
Reading this post, I wanna get back to where you are! It's a great feeling to want the best for your body. I'm so glad you found it, Jenny!